HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT
Dealing with conflict is something we do every single day in our life. Sound odd? Think about the places we go, people with whom we interact with at work, home, school. The key is to treat a “potential” conflict, such as a discussion with an employee as a team building experience. How about the co-worker who comes to work late, in a bad mood and forwards all calls to voicemail? Could these two situations turn into conflict? Absolutely! I find that if I go into a discussion with the INTENTION of having it turn out to be a win-win, it usually turns out positive. If I give in to NEGATIVITY or that “I have to win”, it’s not as positive.
A very good exercise is to write down, during a “typical” day, a list of all the situations which are presented to us. When that list is reviewed, that is the first step in our self assessment. Next, write down a plus (+) or minus (-) next to each interaction. Are there more minuses? If yes, ask yourself, why all the minuses? If most of the interactions were considered positive, take a hard look at the minuses and ask yourself, is there a consistency in place, time or person? They may simply be random situations, which is the most common scenario. It is helpful to break down, into small pieces, the challenge being analyzed.
Since we spend most of our lives at work, this is a common area we may experience conflict. Therefore, here are some tips to avoid or reduce conflict at work:
- Practice listening…real listening.
- Ask the “other” side to write down three questions for you.
- Stop and take a deep breath during the other person’s comments.
- Repeat back to the other person what you think you heard…this helps to validate and assure them you are interested. This adds value to the communication and the issue.
- Ask each other to paraphrase the others comments. This helps to see if opposing individuals really understand the others position.
- Convince yourself that compromising doesn’t mean losing or “giving in”. In fact, this can go a long way toward a relationship.
- Work on the issue, not “me against you” or “us versus them”. If the issue is set “outside” of the discussion, it takes the emotions out of a situation.
- Put more emphasis on face to face, rather than phone or electronic communication.
- Learn to laugh at the situation, if that will relieve the tension.
Although it might sound like more work, think about it this way……if our three year old kept doing the same behavior which could lead to his harm, we would get up off of our chair and discuss the situation with the child. Eventually, we can predict that the child would learn and we would have invested our time wisely. It’s the same in adult relationships. Investing in the relationship in times of conflict goes a long way toward peace and positive interaction.
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